How to overcome DEPRESSION and ANXIETY. You can do it, the first step is realising that there is light in your darkness, You need to want to climb out of that pit of despair, that dark existence. The pain that you are constantly in will end if you CHOOSE to notice all of the GOOD in you and the GOOD in the world.
I was depressed most of my life and in 2015 when my son got stabbed we both suffered from PTSD. It was so hard, with no social network, family, people that cared at all I had to get myself off of the floor that I was on for hours not able to move lying in a pool of snot because I could not handle having my children see me like that. Others petty problems were always more important, to the point that they all expected me to keep on saving their lives and helping them, well they watched me die inside. It started to show on the outside too. Crumbling, fading, dying inside. It just got worse and worse as I continued to fight it. I was determined to live for my children, I was determined to fight what I felt were demons.
What kept me going is that thought that my children would have to go through life knowing that their mother took her life, for 3 years that stopped me, for 3 years battling not wanting to go on, thinking it is just so hard, when I woke up my first thought was, Fuck I'm still alive', I just wanted to die in my sleep.
This part is hard to admit.......12 months ago I called Beyond Blue, a service set up for Depression and Anxiety sufferers here in Australia and felt that they did absolutely nothing for me, they tread so lightly not to push people over the edge yet by doing that they in fact do not help a needy person at all. I was screaming out for anything and they the services that our country provide said sorry we can not offer counselling but here is a number to call. You then in turn pass you on to the next, if someone is on the brink they are at their last straw it is now or never so when they are pushed away that was their last attempt at trying to save their life. They will hang up that phone and kill themselves, that is just what will happen.
So I took a heaps of pills and drank a bottle of Vodka, I felt so overwhelmed in my body that I passed out and felt that I was dying, I felt at peace. How bloody sad that we get so lost that the thought of dying made me happy. It got that bad that that thought that kept me going for 3 years no longer was the strength that I needed to keep on surviving.
I woke up the next morning, I was surprised. Here I was again, living another fucking day......3 weeks later I was in the car with my ex. I was so sad, and really he has been the only person that has been there besides my kids. But he does not really understand how I feel because thankfully he has never had depression like I did. I said to him, I was lost, I save so many others yet I did not know how to fix me.......I tried everything in that 3 years to live, to feel alive. So from that day on I decided no more helping others. No more giving so much to others, no more not being who I was just for society, listen to my intuition and I BECAME THE BEST VERSION OF ME.
I am the happiest and healthiest I have ever been in my life. I have no addictions, no obsessions, no avoiding life, I embrace it and over myself in myself. I was drawn to start this channel as I know so many people are exactly what I was and I want to help others realise that one day it will be gone and you can still exist on this physical plane and not end your life
I hope that my stories INSPIRE YOU TO LIVE XXXXX
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